FB Posted on November 28, 2012 at 1:10am:
A simple glance
A smile perchance
Can make one's day
In every way.
It could be destiny
Sweet serendipity
If only one could hear
The heart's silent cheer. <3
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Nothing is impossible
Posted on Facebook, Nov. 26, 2015 at 1:47am:
When you wanna shout but you cannot speak.
When you wanna dance but there is no music.
When you wanna go up but there's no ladder.
When you wanna breathe but there is no air.
That's when your voice is most deafening.
That's when your dance is most amazing.
That's when you realize you've got wings to fly.
That's when you realize nothing is impossible... if you just try.
When you wanna shout but you cannot speak.
When you wanna dance but there is no music.
When you wanna go up but there's no ladder.
When you wanna breathe but there is no air.
That's when your voice is most deafening.
That's when your dance is most amazing.
That's when you realize you've got wings to fly.
That's when you realize nothing is impossible... if you just try.
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
How I miss you too
How the soil misses the rain
How the tree misses the breeze
How the tracks miss the train
How the flower misses the bees
How I miss you too
Though the soil may drown in the heavy rain
Though the tree may break from the strong breeze
Though the tracks carry the burden of the train
Though the flower may be stung by bees
Love still conquers through
How the tree misses the breeze
How the tracks miss the train
How the flower misses the bees
How I miss you too
Though the soil may drown in the heavy rain
Though the tree may break from the strong breeze
Though the tracks carry the burden of the train
Though the flower may be stung by bees
Love still conquers through
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Love, obsession, fondness, whatchamacallit?
I think I am in love with someone. Then again, if love is to make people or things achieve their essence and heavenly ordained destiny, maybe it's not love after all. Or just a little.
I think I am obsessed with this someone too. I think about this person every day, almost every moment. But if obsession is wanting possession of this person, I don't think it is obsession at all.
Fondness, yes I want to see this person but I try to control myself as much as I can. Because aside from the fact that I can't see this person every day, I don't want to get too attached. But I usually can't help it and can't get this person off my mind.
Platonic. It is non-sexual. Aside from we are both female and I am not gay, she's much older than me and I see her as a superior, as a mentor.
When my mother died, I looked up to her as a mother figure. Also a father figure because of her disciplinary attitude. What's funny is I used to be afraid her. But now, although I still get a little scared of her at times, I care about her more.
I think of wanting to hug her all the time, but she is not fond of hugs. So I am simply grateful to see her, even from afar. No need for touch nor any conversation. Exactly similar to my relationship with my mom.
I draw strength from her, like I used to draw strength from my mom and dad.
I don't know what to call my feelings for her.
Sunday, November 5, 2017
Silence
It's been a while again when I last posted. Anyway, I saw this poem on my Facebook memories. I posted it on November 5, 2016 at 3:02am. I was wondering what happened this day, maybe I told someone my problem and that person just brushed it off and walked away. Lol. Here goes:
In my silence, hear me speak
You think I'm strong but I'm really weak
Words need not be spoken
If you only listen.
Do you hear me, are you listening?
Can you hear my heart is beating?
Beating, not because of you
I am alive, not only you.
When it's time for me to talk
That's the time you decide to walk
Walk away, far away
When I had hoped you'd stay.
The world never revolved around me
Because that is my destiny
Is it selfish to ask I wish it did at times
So I can sense the beauty behind these rhymes.
Do you hear me shouting now?
Can you hear me somehow?
Now, somehow?
How? Now.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
A blog a day keeps the doctor away
I have been thinking.
Probably the reason I was meant to feel the way I felt is so I could revive this blog. I have always wanted to but just didn't have the time or was busy with other things.
Now, I realize that it's quite therapeutic to do this. Although no one gets to read, unless I send the link, it's easier to explain to people in case they do bother to know. That means I trust them when I do share the link.
Oh well, those I sent already will read the next ones. I just want to say thank you. Thank you for caring!
I feel a bit better now.
Probably the reason I was meant to feel the way I felt is so I could revive this blog. I have always wanted to but just didn't have the time or was busy with other things.
Now, I realize that it's quite therapeutic to do this. Although no one gets to read, unless I send the link, it's easier to explain to people in case they do bother to know. That means I trust them when I do share the link.
Oh well, those I sent already will read the next ones. I just want to say thank you. Thank you for caring!
I feel a bit better now.
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
It's been a while
It has been a while since my last post. I dunno. I just felt like writing today. I have been crying again. I think my eyes just miss crying so when a tear fell, more came afterwards.
My weakness. My self. I feel so weak, emotionally. It started when I felt I was also weak mentally. Yes, I am mentally and emotionally weak.
My former classmates would probably argue,"NO WAY!" An honorable mention in grade school, valedictorian in high school, and cum laude in college and you say you are mentally weak?
Actually, it's because of my poor memory. If memory serves me correctly, which usually doesn't, I struggled back in school. I was just such a great pretender that everything seemed easy but the truth is that I worked hard, really hard to understand all my lessons. For those needing memorization, I tried almost all I could think of just to help retain stuff in my memory. I even recorded my voice at times to play back the lessons in my ear.
Now that I am getting older, it's getting harder and harder to pretend. I forget things, A LOT OF THINGS. I am even afraid that I might forget my name some day. Honestly, if I had good memory, I would have finished law in Harvard already. Or I had taken up all those subjects that I dreaded to take. I would've, could've, should've.
I often feel such a failure. You know, I try my best 99% of the time, but there is always that 1% where I fail at something and I feel that I am back to zero.
I try too hard that I often question myself, why do I even try too hard? I will fail anyway. I am often too hard on myself. I usually end up hating myself.
Back in elementary, I was very egotistic. When my dad was still alive, he would praise me everyday, saying how wonderful I was, how beautiful I was. And I believed him.
My mother would always argue and at times even say hurtful things at me. One that I remember regrettably was when I typed my first storybook in Grade 2 using the typewriter. I was so excitedly proud of myself that I showed my mom. Then, all she said was that I used wrong grammar here and there.
Usually, my mom would notice my looks - how ugly I was, how fat I was. She honestly did not use nasty words but I felt they were. For example, she would notice how big my thighs were. Or some time, I was so hungry and I asked for food, she said I didn't need food. It was just these little things that slowly cut through me until now.
Then, my dad died. No one would tell me how smart or beautiful I was anymore. That's when I started believing how indeed ugly and fat and stupid I was.
It's so hard for me to have a little self-esteem, a little self-confidence. Even the slightest criticism makes me cry. I hate this feeling of not being worthy enough, of not being enough. Of the 99 things I do right, that one thing I did wrong cuts through me and I break down.
It keeps haunting me each and every day. I try and try hard every day but my weaknesses just show up and I fail. I am not a complete and utter failure but some words from others make me feel such as well.
I wish I could be stronger, but I forget how to be strong. I need to be reminded every day. But no one to do that anymore.
I'm tired now. I'll just cry myself to sleep. Sorry God.
My weakness. My self. I feel so weak, emotionally. It started when I felt I was also weak mentally. Yes, I am mentally and emotionally weak.
My former classmates would probably argue,"NO WAY!" An honorable mention in grade school, valedictorian in high school, and cum laude in college and you say you are mentally weak?
Actually, it's because of my poor memory. If memory serves me correctly, which usually doesn't, I struggled back in school. I was just such a great pretender that everything seemed easy but the truth is that I worked hard, really hard to understand all my lessons. For those needing memorization, I tried almost all I could think of just to help retain stuff in my memory. I even recorded my voice at times to play back the lessons in my ear.
Now that I am getting older, it's getting harder and harder to pretend. I forget things, A LOT OF THINGS. I am even afraid that I might forget my name some day. Honestly, if I had good memory, I would have finished law in Harvard already. Or I had taken up all those subjects that I dreaded to take. I would've, could've, should've.
I often feel such a failure. You know, I try my best 99% of the time, but there is always that 1% where I fail at something and I feel that I am back to zero.
I try too hard that I often question myself, why do I even try too hard? I will fail anyway. I am often too hard on myself. I usually end up hating myself.
Back in elementary, I was very egotistic. When my dad was still alive, he would praise me everyday, saying how wonderful I was, how beautiful I was. And I believed him.
My mother would always argue and at times even say hurtful things at me. One that I remember regrettably was when I typed my first storybook in Grade 2 using the typewriter. I was so excitedly proud of myself that I showed my mom. Then, all she said was that I used wrong grammar here and there.
Usually, my mom would notice my looks - how ugly I was, how fat I was. She honestly did not use nasty words but I felt they were. For example, she would notice how big my thighs were. Or some time, I was so hungry and I asked for food, she said I didn't need food. It was just these little things that slowly cut through me until now.
Then, my dad died. No one would tell me how smart or beautiful I was anymore. That's when I started believing how indeed ugly and fat and stupid I was.
It's so hard for me to have a little self-esteem, a little self-confidence. Even the slightest criticism makes me cry. I hate this feeling of not being worthy enough, of not being enough. Of the 99 things I do right, that one thing I did wrong cuts through me and I break down.
It keeps haunting me each and every day. I try and try hard every day but my weaknesses just show up and I fail. I am not a complete and utter failure but some words from others make me feel such as well.
I wish I could be stronger, but I forget how to be strong. I need to be reminded every day. But no one to do that anymore.
I'm tired now. I'll just cry myself to sleep. Sorry God.
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